Local Man, Tired of Being Peaceful, Finally Takes Violent Action Against Own Existence

2024-09-29 16:34:20 UTC

In a startling turn of events that has left experts scratching their heads and the general populace collectively gasping in disbelief, a local man named Harold J. Flaxman III has taken the most violent action of his life: questioning his own existence.

This act of mind-blowing aggression against his own being has sent ripples of shock waves throughout the city, with many wondering if this is the beginning of a new era in which people start taking matters into their own hands and confronting the very nature of their own lives.

For years, Flaxman had been content to simply exist, going about his daily routine, avoiding conflict whenever possible, and trying to make the best of things. But after an exhaustive self-help seminar entitled 'Learn to Love Yourself: It's Not as Difficult as You Think,' he finally reached his breaking point.

According to eyewitness accounts, Flaxman was seen standing in front of a mirror, looking deep into his own eyes and uttering the words 'You are not real.' Over and over again, he repeated this phrase until it became a chant, a battle cry for the war against his own existence.

Experts have yet to fully understand why Flaxman chose to take such drastic action. Some speculate that it may be due to the increasing pressure of modern life, while others believe it is simply the result of years of bottled-up anger and frustration.

Regardless of the cause, Flaxman's actions have sparked a wave of introspection across the city, with many residents questioning their own existence and purpose in life. This has led to a rise in self-help seminars, therapy sessions, and support groups aimed at helping people deal with their newfound existential crises.

In an attempt to quell the rising tide of violence against one's own being, city officials have implemented a series of measures aimed at promoting inner peace and self-acceptance. These include mandatory meditation classes in schools, therapy dogs in the workplace, and the banning of all mirrors within city limits.

Despite these efforts, however, experts fear that this wave of violence against one's own being may be just the tip of the iceberg. They warn that if left unchecked, it could lead to a complete breakdown of society as we know it and a descent into chaos and madness.