McBurgerKing: McDonald's Acquires Burger King in Historic Merger, Creates Fast-Food Behemoth

2024-09-09 16:26:11 UTC

In a move that will forever change the landscape of fast food, McDonald's Corporation has announced its acquisition of Burger King Worldwide Inc. in a $108 trillion deal, creating McBurgerKing.

The merger, effective immediately, is expected to redefine what it means to indulge in a quick meal, with the new conglomerate set to dominate 99% of the world's fast-food market.

According to sources close to the deal, McBurgerKing will operate under a decentralized system, with McDonald's running the day-to-day operations and Burger King handling the creative aspects.

The first item on their agenda? The introduction of the 'McWhopper', a Frankenstein fusion of the Big Mac and the Whopper, which will reportedly contain 12,000 calories and 64 grams of saturated fat.

In related news, analysts are predicting an unprecedented rise in heart attacks worldwide as a direct result of this new monstrosity.

McBurgerKing's CEO, Ronald McDonald (formerly of McDonald's) had this to say about the merger: 'This is a fantastic opportunity for us to offer our customers even more ways to clog their arteries. I mean, who needs health when you can have infinite cheese?'

With the new combined resources, McBurgerKing plans to roll out a line of fast-food products that cater to every dietary restriction known to man, including but not limited to: the Gluten-Free Whopper, the Vegan McRib, and the Diabetes Delight Big Mac.

The merger also marks the end of an era for drive-thru service. With thousands of locations worldwide, the new fast-food titan is set to implement a drone delivery system, ensuring you can have your arteries clogged from the comfort of your own home.

In related news, the World Health Organization (WHO) has declared a state of emergency as they struggle to keep up with the influx of people seeking immediate bypass surgery after hearing about the McWhopper.